So, sometimes I feel that my role as mother is not as important as it used to be. Most of my kids are grown and out of the house; my youngest is in high school. I remember how hard it was for me when my kids were little - feeling like I was always on call, 24 hours a day, not a minute to myself. I remember thinking that I would never have my life back, I would always be at the beck and call of children. Well, years have passed and now I think that I'm not needed as much anymore. I have reveled in my ability to think of myself sometimes, instead of always thinking of what was best for my children. I have enjoyed going back to work and back to school, being able to pursue my own interests, at least part of the time. Boys in particular don't seem to need their mom as much once they get older. They grow up, graduate from high school, go off to college, and start a new life - at least that's what my boy did. Until I was needed, anyway.
Knee blown out, doctor visits, surgery scheduled, sister there to help . . . I'm three states away now, so things were getting taken care of without me. A week later - text says "I'm not doing so well" - phone call - "Pain... not sleeping at night... a week behind at school... missed tests and labs... crutches for six weeks... can't get to school-work-doctor...can't concentrate... sister busy with her own work and life." Hang up and check prices of airline flights - "Wow, that's actually reasonable!" - buy a ticket for the next day to stay for a week - make arrangements with work and school - pack.
I never would have thought, way back when, that I would be so excited that I'm still needed!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Why Can't I Decide?
I've known for two and a half years now that I was going to have to write a dissertation someday. In all the classes that I have taken I have read research on many topics and would wonder "Could I write a dissertation on that topic?" I can't even count the number of ideas that I have had over the years - adolescent motivation to read, reading recovery, how policies affects classroom teaching, how policies constrain teachers, complex adaptive systems and classrooms, writing workshop, professional development - the list goes on and on. My interests have varied depending on the reading I was doing for class and how that reading connected with my experiences as a teacher and a learner.
Since I've also been working as a Graduate Research Assistant for most of that time, I have been mentored in many aspects of research and writing, as well as things like working on a grant, organizing a regional conference, faciliting research with outside evaluators, etc. Every time I learn something new, I think "How could I turn that into a dissertation topic?"
Every time I go to a conference I sit in sessions about various topics and think to myself "How could I do research on that topic?" Could I do a dissertation that was more practitioner oriented? Could I do a theoretical dissertation on complexity and literacy? Could I do a review of research dissertation on writing workshop? Could I do a case study of a writing classroom? Could I do a dissertation on a professional development model? Could I do a dissertation on policies and their unintended consequences? Could I do a historical dissertation on the work of Marie Clay? Could I do an ethnography of a classroom looking for reading writing connections?
I've read books on how to write research proposals, how to do qualitative research, how to do quantitative research, how to write a literature review, how to write an education dissertation, etc. I've had conversations with other doctoral students about dissertation topics. I've met with professors about potential dissertation topics. I've gathered and read research on many different topics just to see if I was interested enough to consider it as a dissertation topic. I've written a literature review on professional development and a research proposal on a case study of a classroom using writing workshop. I've gathered data on informational text and read about that topic as a potential dissertation topic.
I've been all over the place . . .
Why can't I decide?
Since I've also been working as a Graduate Research Assistant for most of that time, I have been mentored in many aspects of research and writing, as well as things like working on a grant, organizing a regional conference, faciliting research with outside evaluators, etc. Every time I learn something new, I think "How could I turn that into a dissertation topic?"
Every time I go to a conference I sit in sessions about various topics and think to myself "How could I do research on that topic?" Could I do a dissertation that was more practitioner oriented? Could I do a theoretical dissertation on complexity and literacy? Could I do a review of research dissertation on writing workshop? Could I do a case study of a writing classroom? Could I do a dissertation on a professional development model? Could I do a dissertation on policies and their unintended consequences? Could I do a historical dissertation on the work of Marie Clay? Could I do an ethnography of a classroom looking for reading writing connections?
I've read books on how to write research proposals, how to do qualitative research, how to do quantitative research, how to write a literature review, how to write an education dissertation, etc. I've had conversations with other doctoral students about dissertation topics. I've met with professors about potential dissertation topics. I've gathered and read research on many different topics just to see if I was interested enough to consider it as a dissertation topic. I've written a literature review on professional development and a research proposal on a case study of a classroom using writing workshop. I've gathered data on informational text and read about that topic as a potential dissertation topic.
I've been all over the place . . .
Why can't I decide?
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