It's Hard to be a Missionary Mom

Why is it different being the mom of a missionary than being the mom of a child who leaves home to go to college or live on their own?  Personally, I think being a missionary mom is the hardest thing that I have had to do as a mother.  Well, maybe losing a child was the hardest.  This is the second hardest. 

I have had to deal with it by just not thinking about it.  I email my son every week, but I can’t talk to him.  Jerry is a boy of few words (as most boys are).  His once-a-week emails are very short.  They just have things in them about who his investigators are, and that’s about it.  He doesn’t really say anything about anything.  I find it challenging to write emails that are appropriate.  I try to be careful to not say anything that would distract him while he is out there doing the Lord’s work.  I don’t want to encourage him to think about home and family, because he’s supposed to be thinking about missionary work.  I hope I haven’t been too distant.  It’s just that I haven’t wanted to do the wrong thing.  When Jerry was at college I only talked to him every couple of weeks or so.  Sometimes it was a short conversation.  Sometimes I could get him talking and have a longer conversation.  It takes some work to get him going.  At least I knew that I could call him if I wanted to.  I could text him.  I could try to take care of him from a distance. 

Jerry went off to college about three weeks after he graduated from high school.  We have always encouraged our kids to grow up and leave home.  I don’t really want them to stay home.  I want them to move on in their life to the next step (learn how to be a grown up and take care of themselves).  But, sending a child on a mission is different.  At least when they are at college I can call them if I want to.  I can tell them things that are going on or talk with them if something is troubling them or if they need advice.  I can’t do any of those things with Jerry.  I don’t know if there is anything troubling him, because he doesn’t say anything.  He doesn’t ask advice.  He says everything is fine and that he loves us.  He doesn’t ask for much of anything except music CD’s occasionally.  The only thing I know to send him is candy, and I don’t want to send him candy all the time.  I have really been at a loss as to what to do.  I send him newsy emails, but I am always careful not to say that we (I) miss him (which I really do – even though I try not to think about it).  I try to tell him to be obedient and to listen to the spirit.  I try to share my testimony.  That’s about it.  As far as I know he’s never been to the doctor or the dentist while he has been out.  I’d have made sure he did both of those things if I could have.  When he’s having a hard time, he has to rely on his companion or his mission president or the Lord to keep him going.  He can’t rely on his parents or his family.  I sure hope he’s okay.  I really won’t know until he gets home.  Two years is a long time to feel emotionally disconnected from your child.  I have felt the need to keep that disconnect there so that he could focus on what he is supposed to be doing.  I hope that was the right thing to do.

We shall see in 1 month and 29 days!

Happy Birthday Jerry!  See, I can’t even call him and tell him Happy Birthday.  I mailed him a box and found out from his email that he won’t even get it until the week after his birthday.  I attached a picture of his birthday present to his last email just in case he didn't get the box in time - at least he got to see the picture.  I just think that’s sad that he can’t have a wonderful 21^st birthday.  Maybe he had a wonderful birthday . . .I hope so.  I just don’t know.  That’s the hardest part of being the mother of a missionary.  You just don’t know!  He’s not my responsibility right now (even though he really is an adult – so he isn’t really my responsibility anymore anyway – but you know what I mean).  Letting your kids grow up is hard to do.  Being a missionary mom is hard to do too.